The Sitter from Hell
by Shenlong Girl
Summary: When Sarah grows a social life, someone else needs to care for Toby. It might not be who she expects – or wants.


**Title:** The Sitter from Hell

**Author:** Shen

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** When Sarah grows a social life, someone else needs to care for Toby. It might not be who she expects – or wants.

**Author's Note:** Written for the Labyrinth Fic Exchange on LiveJournal, specifically to Noxiaa's prompt.

**The Sitter from Hell**

"You're sure it's alright if I go?" Sarah asked for probably the twelfth time.

Karen gave something between a laugh and a sigh. "Yes, Sarah, you can go! Run, be sixteen while you still can." She smiled to lighten the sarcasm. "It'll be fine." Wasn't this kid just ranting about her Friday night independence a few months ago?

"It's just, you said you don't know this babysitter... I mean, I'd totally understand if that makes you uncomfortable and need me to stay."

Mostly sincerely, Karen said, "It's sweet for you to worry, but he comes highly recommended." This conversation was straining her patience.

Just then, Richard walked down the stairs and did a double-take at his daughter. "Aren't you going to be late for your party, Sweetpea?" Sarah sighed, and her stepmother just barely kept herself from echoing it.

"Yeah, I will be. I guess I'll head out now." The dour teenager went up to Toby and grabbed his hands, swinging them gently and making faces to get the toddler to smile. The two giggled at each other, and the elder planted a kiss on the younger one's forehead. "Be a good little stinker, Toby." Finally, she turned and walked up to the door, only to have someone knock on it as she touched the handle. After a beat, she pulled it open.

xxxxxxxxx

Sarah froze in place, staring at the boy on the porch. Fluffy blonde hair, sharp features that were all too familiar... but no, he was too short, as was his hair. And he looked young. She began to relax until her eyes alit on his. She'd drank her fill of these eyes once before, in a beautiful, hostile ballroom, and there was absolutely no mistaking them now.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sarah! That's no way to greet the babysitter," scolded Karen. "Honestly, what's gotten into you lately?"

Sarah would have whirled around just to give her a dumbfounded look – but that would have required putting the Goblin King at her back. Instead she asked, not a little hysterically, "_This_ is your babysitter? How did you find him; did you skip over the Classifieds and go right to the police blotter? Or did you see his ad in _Weekly World News?_" While her parents sputtered, Sarah glared into mismatched blue eyes, and she caught the exact moment they moved from cold calculation to some facade of innocence.

"Come on, Sarah, ease up on me, will ya?" American high school vernacular warped his cultured voice. "I need this job."

"Apparently you know each other?" demanded her father.

"There was a bit of a misunderstanding," Jareth supplied quickly.

Sarah said, "Seriously, who recommended him? I think it's important you tell me."

Her dad asked, "What kind of 'misunderstanding?'"

"Yeah, that's a rich term for it," Sarah muttered.

"You don't have to be that way about it..." She thought Jareth was laying it on a little thick with the fake dejection here.

"Sarah, did this boy hurt you?"

She blinked. "What? Well, no, _he_ didn't-"

"Someone you know?"

"...No..."

"Commit some sort of crime? You have to tell me what's got you so upset."

"He, er-"

Jareth barreled into the conversation, all embarrassed conciliation in a cracking voice, "There was a… thing, at school, with a mutual friend. A mess. I didn't realize she liked me, and I played a joke. It looked really cruel in retrospect, but I didn't mean it, and I apologized. But you know Sarah; she's so protective of her friends. She hasn't forgiven me yet."

"That's not what happened at all!"

Exasperated, her father asked, "Then what? What is it?"

"He..."

"Go on, Sarah, tell them your version if you think you need to." Jareth gave a smirk that only she could see. And with that last tug, her overstretched brain finally snapped.

"He- just- infuriates me!"

Her dad grumbled, and Karen admonished her, "Really, Sarah."

Jareth pressed past Sarah, and she, feeling the weight of her parents' disapproval, let him go rather than get into a shove fight in the doorway. The man walked up to her father and gave what she could tell was a firm handshake. "Where are my manners? Jareth Barnes, sir. Glad to meet you."

Her dad introduced himself back, apparently approving of the "younger" man's demeanor. Karen was next.

"It's very nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm so sorry for the confusion." The older woman visibly softened at Jareth's smile.

"I'll stay!" Sarah announced. "We don't need you; go away."

"Sarah!"

"Please?" her rival asked sadly. "I wasn't kidding; I need this gig. My car's about to give out, and if I can't get it fixed soon, I won't be able to get to work or earn any money at all."

Karen said, "Honestly, I've had it. You can both stay, for all I care. Stay in your room if you want, Sarah; Toby will have a sitter. We'll be back around midnight."

"But-"

"The show is going to start soon. Richard, come on." Stunned, Sarah watched her parents waltz out the door.

Behind her, the Goblin King laughed.

She whirled around and pointed at him, even as his human facade melted away. Hair grew and lightened, jeans became gray leggings, and every feature sharpened. "You! Out! I don't care what they said; you aren't staying around here to take Toby from us! I won him back, fair and square, and you have no power over us."

Suddenly British again, he chided, "Ah-ah, beautiful. You are free of my influence, true, but this isn't your house, and he isn't your baby. His mother even charged me with his safety. I have every right!" His voice rose as he spoke, and the sharpness of the last sentence drove a tremor through her. He didn't miss it, judging by the narrowing of his eyes and his smirk, but he did soften his voice. "Besides, I missed the lad. There's nothing wrong with using legitimate channels to see him again, is there?"

Sarah tried to push past the shakiness in her voice. "_Now_ I have no right to a say? Toby's only 'mine' when it suits you, is that it?"

He waved a hand. "The rules are complicated. But it doesn't matter, because, I reiterate: I do not plan to take or harm the boy. I'm just here to spend time with him." His oily smile was surely meant to be comforting.

"Really."

"Indeed. As well, I wished to see how you are faring – admittedly a most morbid curiosity."

"Kings are allowed their eccentricities, as I understand it," Sarah responded drolly, and Jareth nodded his agreement. 'Wished to see how she was faring.' Wished to see if she'd been driven up a wall, more like, and to ensure that she was if she hadn't been already. She reminded herself that he had no power over her, truly.

The king continued blithely, "You see, some mortals have amusing reactions to visiting the faerie realms. You should congratulate yourself, you know. That your parents haven't yet submitted you for mental health testing puts you ahead of at least thirty percent of everyone else."

By his expression, Sarah judged the statement to be meant as a compliment. Unsure what to do, she stared him down.

Until, abruptly, he turned away and walked to Toby's playpen.

"Get away from there!"

"Ah, little Jareth!" He held the laughing child out in front of him.

Dumbfounded, Sarah choked out, "His- his name is Toby!" Was he for real?

Jareth sighed dramatically as he pulled the boy close. "As it must be. Gretch! Thenn!" Two goblins materialized from under the couch, one tripping over a discarded rattle before rolling up to his king's feet – literally. They were each about Toby's size, moss green or mud brown in skin and each sporting two enormous, three-fingered hands with hideous yellow nails. The brown one also had a broken horn sprouting from the very top of his head.

"Wait. If- if I get the rules right, my stupid parents let you in here, but no one gave permission for goblins," Sarah argued levelly. "Also, put my brother down."

Jareth just shrugged. "When inviting royalty to one's keep, it is understood that stewards or servants will accompany."

"They didn't know you were-"

The green goblin cut in, "You want I should play with the Toby, sire?"

"I brought corn, Y'Grace!" exclaimed the brown goblin proudly.

Jareth's brow wrinkled. "And what would a baby want with corn, Thenn?"

Shrugging, Thenn rubbed the jagged nub of his horn and said, "Paisley likes corn."

Jareth's eyebrow twitched.

"Who's Paisley?" asked Sarah.

"A chicken. Thenn, Gretch, I think the young master would enjoy a game of peek-a-boo. No-contact peek-a-boo!" he hurriedly corrected as he lowered the child.

No-contact...? Sarah mentally shook herself. She couldn't keep getting distracted by details, not with a master of distraction and illusion in her living room, handing her baby brother to a pair of goblins. She ran to take him from their grubby hands, but the Goblin King intercepted her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She pulled his grip taut, but he just spun her around and let go. She tried again with the same result, looking horrified as furry creatures absconded with her brother.

"If you wanted to dance, Sarah, you need only have asked."

She felt her eyes tear in frustration. "Give him back to me!"

Now Jareth frowned. Almost gently, he said, "Don't worry, child; goblins are excellent babysitters. I just thought we could use help minding him while we talk. You have so many questions, and babies find such things very dull."

"...They won't hurt him?"

"Absolutely not. I can't promise he'll be clean afterward, but he's perfectly safe. And I don't lie, Sarah. Think back; you know I haven't yet."

She stilled and thought. It seemed true...

Just as she began to calm slightly, he continued, "Besides, I wouldn't want to jeopardize this babysitting job, would I? I think it'll be fun, having a jaunt to the Above every once in a while."

Wait, what. "You're going to _keep_ doing this?"

He nodded. "And if you come home earlier than your parents some nights, perhaps we can find a way to entertain each other." He slunk closer then, and Sarah's eyes widened. An evil grin was his response. "A little party all our own, yes? It will be fun." Was this his plan all along? Oh god, of course it was. He was too smart to not keep the long game in mind.

He really _did_ mean to drive her bonkers. Just like the others he'd talked about earlier. That had been a threat!

"A-a party, huh?" she asked.

He nodded and came even closer, placing a hand on her arm. "I'd like to get to know you better, Sarah. You might find I'm not as horrible as you think." Pff. 'Get to know her,' he says. Read: 'Leave you a huddled ball of gibberings on the ground one day, covered in corn and glitter.'

"You c-can't have a party with just two," she countered.

He blinked, nonplussed. "What?"

"Sir Didymus, Hoggle, Ludo: I need you!" A poof later, a cacophony arose behind Sarah's back.

"Ludo missed Sarah!"

"Yeaagh, what's he doing here?"

"I say, my lady, do not think me unhappy to see you, but did you not tell us of some engagement this evening? You were excited, I recall."

All the while, Jareth's scowl deepened. He let go of her arm and stepped away, looking at his subjects in disgust.

Sarah spoke without looking back, all the better to enjoy his discomfiture, "Change of plans, Sir Didymus. We're having a party right here instead."

"And you are joining us, Your Grace?"

"Yes," was his clipped response.

"He'll be joining us sometimes from now on, guys."

"King play with us?" asked Ludo, receiving a nod in return.

Meanwhile, Hoggle looked between his sovereign and his human friend in apparent concern. "And, er... this is alright?"

Jareth ground out, "As long as you do not slack on your gardening, Sarah may invite you into her presence whenever she wishes. I have graciously _allowed_ her that power."

"Well," exclaimed Didymus, oblivious to the tension, "who wants to play Scrabble?"

END


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